So.....I've given birth

Not once, but twice. The first pregnancy I went au natural…not by choice really. I was induced and by the time the pain became unbearable (I was actually asked twice by the nursing staff to please quit screaming as I was scaring the other mothers) I was far too dilated to be given anything. I was much smarter with my second pregnancy and asked for drugs immediately upon arrival at the hospital. Of course first I had to check in.

I don’t care what anyone says, you remember the pain. You may not recall how long it lasted or the actual intensity of it, but you don’t completely forget it either. I had always considered myself a high tolerance type of individual. Allergic to most pain medications, I’ve grown to be able to handle pain pretty well. Not to say I still don’t cry out when I stub my toe on our living room coffee table. That just hurts.

I don’t recall how long I was in labor with either of my kids. I have pretty much blocked out most of that. So has my husband, but he has his own reasons for wanting to forget it all. I do remember the delivery and recall being asked if I would permit resident doctors to observe. I said yes, or something along the lines of a yes. I don’t think I was able to speak actual words at that point. Honestly, they could have brought in the entire hospital staff with camcorders and I wouldn’t have cared. I just wanted the whole thing to be over.

After I delivered our daughter, the nurse tried to hand her to me. I remember shaking my head no and then immediately thought they were probably scrutinizing me and thinking I was the world’s worst mother. It’s not that I didn’t want to hold my baby. The problem was my adrenaline kicked in so hard that I was shaking uncontrollably. Not just slight shaking either. My body jerked and twitched so bad that I’m sure I looked like I was convulsing. Motion sickness started to set in. Not quite the bonding moment you picture in your head after giving birth. It wasn’t any better with our son and I had to bypass holding him right away as well. Luckily the nurse that time noticed my inability to hold myself still and didn’t ask, but rather cleaned up our son and handed him to my husband.

Both our kids are in their 20s now. I still can remember the moment they came into this world. I unfortunately also remember the “rough seas” like shaking afterwards and get a little nauseated. But it was worth it. All of it. Even the parts that I have to censor in my mind because language like that is not suitable for children or adults. They are great kids. Neither are drug addicts, alcoholics, and only occasionally ask for money. I say we did pretty well.