Thursday, July 14, 2016

So...I use slang terms and phrases sometimes

.......Just not always correctly. One, not too long ago, example would be a post I put on Facebook. I work a 9/80 shift and it was my Friday off. I was at home lounging around and decided I should brag about it so I posted, "This has been my day. Netflix and chill..." After about 20 minutes and a handful of likes, I got a notification that someone had responded. Their comment was one of shock, asking me why, as someone who rarely posts anything personal, would I throw that out there like that. Totally confused by their comment, I responded with, "Well, that's what I'm doing today. Seriously. Lol. Not a big deal." A few seconds passed when they came back with a question. Was my husband home from work? I thought that was really weird since obviously I would have tagged him if he was and most everyone on my friends list knows our work schedules, so I said, "Uh, no. Weird question. You know he's at work." Not long after that, a laughing emoticon appeared and then a comment, "Netflix and chill doesn't mean what you obviously think it means." I stared at the screen a moment longer and then opened my Google and typed in "Netflix and chill." My face immediately got hot. I stared, speechless, at the definition before me, reading it multiple times while my brain tried to comprehend what I was seeing. Imagine my horror when I realized I just announced to the world (ok, just the people on my friends list) that I was home having sex while Netflix was playing. And they knew my husband wasn't home! Mortified, I considered acting like it was some sort of typo or autocorrect issue. You know, say it was supposed to say Netflix and Chiller or something. After all I did watch a movie earlier that day on Chiller TV so it's not lying...but I was pretty sure they wouldn't buy it. I mean we've all used that as an excuse but it only works in certain cases. I don't believe ignorance is one of them. I sat there cursing the individuals who decided to make Netflix and chill a euphemism for a booty call all while wondering how many had actually seen it. I started picturing my friends yelling "TMI" at their screens all while scrolling by and reconsidering our friendship if I was going to post such intimate details online. Maybe doing the raised eyebrows when they looked at the clock and realized that my hubby was still at work. Or laughing at how utterly naïve I was to assume that Netflix and chill actually meant chilling out while watching Netflix. I did notice that I had a few likes. I began to wonder if they were as ignorant to the meaning as I was or were they congratulating me? A Facebook high five? To make matters worse, it was then that I suddenly remembered the fact that I'm friends with my family on there. My kids! Oh god. Being in their 20's and pretty up to speed on the current slang and latest fads, there is no way they wouldn't know. Did they see it? I sat like that for about 5 minutes, contemplating all the horrific scenarios of an innocent Facebook post gone bad. After having a mini panic attack, I calmed myself down and did the only rational thing I could think of. I deactivated my account and threw my phone across the couch like it was on fire while considering never going on Facebook again.

Eventually, after scolding myself for not being more hip and with it, I decided to log back on. I immediately deleted the post and in attempt to pretend it never happened, I proceeded to flood my wall with random saying and funny cat meme's. After that I went online and began to read up on all the latest lingo so as to avoid any further public humiliation. Only problem is that words and their meanings are forever changing. You practically need to enroll in a class to keep up with it all. Maybe I'll just stick to sharing funny pictures. One's without words to be on the safe side.

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