And no one got me more tongue tied than boys.
Picture this.....6th grade. It's the early 80s, Rick Springfield is singing about Jessie's Girl in the background and there's me, rocking a wardrobe supplied by ala Kmart. With short brown hair and green eyes, I was an average looking girl. A bit too skinny with pale skin, I was barely able to speak to anyone outside of my little circle of friends. My crush at the time, the crème de la crème of the 12 year old male gene pool, had somehow gotten my phone number and called me up asking if I wanted to be his girlfriend. Seriously. That's how it happened. My immediate reaction was that of stunned silence. Surely he can't have the right number. I mean he was such a babe and the girl he had just broken up with was one of those girls who was already really pretty and you just knew she'd grow up to be even prettier. (Side note: she didn't.) But anyway, after he said my name, checking to make sure I was still on the line, I realized that he really did call the right number. He wanted me to be his girlfriend! Me! I didn't have any girlfriends over at the time so there was no opportunity to tell him to hold on while we all held hands, jumped up and down, and screamed in octaves only dogs could hear. So I settled for biting my lip really hard, doing a little bouncy dance, pointing towards the sky like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever and then quietly said, "Uh, yea, ok." And just like that, BOOM!, I had my first boyfriend. Of course there was one problem. I had wicked silence skills. By that I mean I was so painfully shy around members of the opposite sex within my age group that just the idea of talking to them in person caused my heart to race to the point of bursting and my stomach to flop so hard that I was sure I would vomit if they even looked in my general direction. That or I would just run away. Not to say I didn't have friends that were boys. I did. A couple anyway. And I could talk to them. But if I liked a boy or found out that one liked me, that was a different story. Anyone who has taken a vow of silence has nothing on a girl who is super shy and is put into direct contact with a boy she likes. The weird thing was I could totally talk to them on the phone with no problems. After all, I was the master of phone chatter. Ask my parents. But in person? I would get so nervous that my vocal cords all but abandoned me. So it shouldn't come to any surprise that after a week, the relationship ended. He couldn't understand how the girl who talked to him endlessly on the phone was the same girl who would run away and lock herself in her room when he stopped by her house. Even my parents couldn't drag me outside to talk to him. I admit I was heartbroken, but a part of me was also relieved. Being the girlfriend of the most popular boy in school was no easy task. Especially when said boy is the type who likes to hang out with you at lunch and stuff. Like I was really going to eat in front of him.
Now, fast forward one year. We are in 7th grade, officially junior high time. I've moved from The Human League to Def Leppard. I am still an average looking girl who is a bit too skinny and barely speaks to anyone outside of her circle of friends......but now I'm in junior high so obviously I am worldly and I've spent the whole summer convincing myself that I was no longer shy. Just like that! Fixed. And of course making that move from elementary school would create a different me. One who was cool and laid back. Easy going and able to chat up boys with no problem. That was the new me. So when one day while at lunch, two of my friends came running up to me all excited and animated, telling me about this boy that said he likes me and wants to ask me out, I knew that this was where the cool confident girl who I had become would stroll in and take over. I was mature now. No longer the shy, timid thing of a year ago. And besides, that would make two boyfriends in the last year! I was on a roll. I looked at my friends, their faces expectant, waiting for me to say something, when it dawned on me. I had no idea who this boy was. I'd never heard his name before. I mention this to my friends and I watched their faces fall for just a second before they quickly swung back into "best news ever" masks and they proceeded to fill me in on who this mystery person was. A person I had apparently been going to school with all year. And also to tell me he was waiting for me in the gym.
The confident, worldly, new me started heading over to where mystery boyfriend was when suddenly my palms start to sweat and my stomach begins to protest the idea of a face to face with the soon to be new man in my life. I couldn't believe it. This shouldn't be happening. I'm in junior high now! I've already had a serious relationship! I mean, my last boyfriend and I dated for a whole week! That's kind of a big deal. I take a deep breath and convince myself that it's only because I don't know who this person is that I'm becoming so nervous. I'm not shy anymore. I had already decided that. I mean I talked to that one guy over the summer and I didn't get nervous once and I kinda sorta liked him a little so obviously I was cured. I switch my thoughts and tried to focus on the idea of whether or not I want to be involved with someone at the moment. After all, I have a current crush and I'd hate to think that he would find out I'm unavailable once he notices that I sit next to him in three classes. And of course once he chooses to break it off with his super good looking, cheerleader girlfriend. Then I start to wonder if maybe this new guy, the one I still can't picture even with a detailed description from my friends and a play by play of his schedule, is even better looking than my crush. Maybe he's absolutely the best looking guy in school and I just haven't seen him yet. I don't go to some small little school so it's possible. I picture how good looking he probably is and start thinking of us as a couple and how jealous all the other girls would be. How we'd become the most popular couple in school and my crush would only wish he could date someone as perfect and wonderful as me. I'm grinning broadly and have gotten myself so wrapped up in my fantasy relationship that I don't notice we are now standing in front of the gym doors. Suddenly frozen to the spot and feeling a bit nauseated, I await the big reveal of this tall, dark and handsome guy who is going to be the big boyfriend #2. The doors open and there he is. I blink. I am now looking at what is basically the male version of myself.....only shorter and with braces. He looks up at me (which is really weird for me since I myself am not very tall) and then starts bouncing back and forth on the balls of his feet while simultaneously turning 3 shades of red. Looking down at the floor, he nervously asks me if I want to "go out." The junior high equivalent of being boyfriend/girlfriend. I mentally lecture myself, pointing out once again that I am now in junior high, no longer a baby, and shouldn't be so tripped up just because a boy likes me. After all, HE likes ME. He should be the one who is all nervous and sweaty....which he totally is. So with that I muster up all my courage, take a deep breath, boldly look at the top of his head before moving my gaze to the floor as well, and say, "I guess." And there we have it! The beginning of a whirlwind romance between two strangers. The story was already forming in my head.
For the next two days, my life consisted of being walked to each class, waving to each other before heading into separate classrooms, and then repeating. We never really talked much. Just kind of acknowledged each others presence while walking side by side as other classmates started looking in our direction and noticed that there was a new couple in town. After school, we got to spend an excruciating mile long walk home in complete awkwardness while my two friends walked a few paces in front of us casting worried glances back in our direction. Every now and then, in a sad attempt to get us talking, they would turn around and yell random questions at us so we would be forced to answer and maybe learn something new about the other. Meanwhile his friends, who walked behind us, would yell things like, "Are you guys going to like, talk or something?" At which point my friends would tell them to shut up and then his friends would respond with the ever classic, "No. You shut up," or "Make me." Finally, after realizing that neither of us was ever going to really say anything to the other, we parted ways. Or rather he told his friend to tell my friend to tell me that we weren't going out anymore and I told my friend to tell his friend to tell him that I was ok with that. I chalked up my lack of conversation to just not being that into him. Plus he didn't like to talk on the phone. His loss.
Since I did have two relationships under my belt, I was the most experienced out of my social circle. A virtual "lady on the town" if you will....but not in a gross way. I was just a kid. My boyfriend-less friends really looked up to me. It felt pretty good and I could feel my maturity strengthen. My shyness was ebbing away and I would be able to speak to boys I liked and who liked me with ease. At least in my mind......it was quite a few years before I was actually able to accomplish that for real. And this time, I married him.
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