When all my friends would get excited about the rides when the carnival came to town, I would try to find excuses to get out of going on them. Never one to enjoy being whipped around, turned upside down, or taken to heights that birds don't even fly, I had no intention of joining the masses in line to get the terror of their lives. I could get dizzy doing summersaults. I had managed for many years to avoid them. Being short allotted me many opportunities to be turned away while feigning disappointment. That wasn't going to last though. I knew I would never be tall, but I also knew that one day, I would surpass the "you must be this tall" line. And I did.
It was 7th grade and my best friend wanted to go to the carnival that was in town during spring break. Always a big tradition, I had gone many times. I had already made it past the "you can't ride this" line, but I had managed to turn myself into the "stuff holder" so I didn't have to worry about riding the metal traps of death myself. I assumed this time wouldn't be any different. I was wrong. Since a few of our friends were out of town, it turned out to be just me and my bestie. When we first got there we did the normal walk through. We stopped at the fortune teller. She told me I was going to get married some day. Eerily accurate. Then we walked over to the games where we spent a small fortune in order to try and win a prize that was worth about a dollar. After meandering around for a while, my friend said she wanted to check out the rides. I went along, but admit I was skeptical since it was just the two of us. I was relieved to see that we weren't stopping. That is, until we got to The Zipper. Suddenly my friend got all excited and looked at me with this anxious grin on her face. Before she even asked the question I was already shaking my head no. Exasperated, she said, "Come on! I don't want to go by myself and you always end up holding peoples stuff. It's your turn to go on. It'll be fun!" She continued to badger me and I continued to shake my head until, out of nowhere, my crush of the week showed up. He had a couple friends with him and they all stopped to talk. He said they had ridden The Zipper earlier and it was super cool. He told us how some lady rode it at the same time they did and screamed the whole time. All his friends laughed and nodded and said they thought it was hilarious. He asked us if we were going to ride. My friend was just about to open her mouth, probably to solidify to them how uncool I was, when I said, "Yea! Totally! Only reason I even came. I love going on rides!" I gave my friend a quick look that told her to go along with it then I strolled over to the ticket taker and boldly handed him my stubs. There was no way I was going to let the guy I was pretty sure the tarot lady was talking about, think I was a baby.
We were escorted over to these steel cages that seemed awfully flimsy and were belted in with straps that looked as secure as dental floss. I glanced over to where the boys had been standing and saw that they were still there, watching us. I gave a thumbs up and they returned it. I then mentally prepared myself for the ride and what I assumed my crushes reaction would be to my act of bravery once I stepped off. Lost in my fantasy of him telling me how awesome and cool I was, I was jolted slightly when the ride started. Moving slowly, I waited. When we just continued a slow climb, I started laughing. Was this it? It's not so bad. I could totally handle it. Piece of cake. I looked over at my friend and told her as much. She then informed me that the ride hadn't even started yet. They were still letting people on. We were only moving so they could open the next cage.
As we slowly inched higher, the cage started to turn so that we were on our backs, looking up at the sky. Feeling a little disoriented, I closed my eyes in an attempt to ground myself while my friend chatted on excitedly. I started feeling a little better, opened my eyes....and that's when the ride finally started. We didn't move really fast at first and as we started to come around the loop, I could feel my stomach flip. I looked down, which wasn't the best idea, and I could see my crush was still there talking to his friends. I got my stomach under control and then imagined the boy of my dreams smiling at me when I got off, holding his arms open, and telling me how brave I was. I envisioned us holding hands and walking the rest of the carnival together as other girls looked on, jealous. I was about to wave and try to get his attention so he knew which cage we were in when suddenly we were plummeting towards the ground at warp speed. I had a dreadful feeling that the ride was broken and we were about to crash into the pavement. Panic set in and holding my breath, I froze. My friend started laughing and doing the 'woo-hoo" yell. I barely had time to acknowledge her as we came mere inches away from the ground. Finally finding my voice, I screamed. Not that "I like to be scared" scream, but the kind where you are being chased by a murderer and if you don't get someone's attention soon, you are going to die. Once my vocal chords started working, they wouldn't stop. I started pleading loudly that I wanted them to stop the ride. I wanted off! Right now! I even tried to sound authoritative. I told whoever was running the ride that they had to stop it or I would sue. I claimed my buckle wasn't working properly and I was floating out of my seat. When that didn't work, I said I was going to be sick and that I'm sure the people behind me wouldn't appreciate being hit in the face with my lunch. Tears streaming down my face, I yelled that I needed to go to the restroom or I would end up peeing myself and I didn't bring a change of clothes. No matter what I said though, the ride continued. I tried closing my eyes, but that just made things worse. I continued yelling. Begged for my life. Then resorted to name calling when it was obvious the guy in charge of the ride didn't care that I was going to die By the time the whole thing was over, my voice was gravely, my eyes were getting puffy from crying, and my nose was running.
Once it was our turn to be released from the death trap we had just spent the last 5 minutes on, I glared at the ride guy and got off the platform as fast as I could. Unfortunately my legs were wobbly and I was a bit dizzy. I ended up tripping over my own feet and landed on the ground right in front of the guy I was planning on devoting my life to. I took a quick minute to quietly thank the ground for being so solid, then composed myself and stood up with the help of my soon to be former best friend. I looked at the boys and laughed while I wiped off my knees, hoping they couldn't see my hands shaking. "Just a little dizzy," I said, "Hey! Did you hear that screamer? Wow right? Seriously, if you can't handle the rides, you shouldn't get on them." No one said anything for a moment. I cleared my throat, tried to act cool and continued my ridicule. With one hand on my hip, I shook my head at the foolishness of some people. Finally one of them said, "Uh, you've got black stuff running down your face." I looked over at my friend who nodded and already had a tissue in her hand for me. I cursed myself for my dislike of waterproof mascara. I grabbed the tissue, dabbing my face, and explained that while we were up there, I got something in my eye and they started watering. I was about to explain the dangers of foreign objects in your eye and how you could go blind when his other friend started laughing really loud and said, "We saw you! Every time your cage came around, you yelled at the ride guy. You weren't really going to pee yourself, were you?"
I didn't go to carnivals much after that. The few that I did was after we had our kids (no, this crush was not my future husband), I stuck to the game area or the kiddie rides. I figured my husband heard enough of my screaming in the delivery room.
