So....I like to watch Lifetime movies and horrible things like that

Lifetime, the channel for women who hate men. I think that’s what it’s actually called. Anyway, I watch it. A lot. I don’t know why I do. I mean, their movies are pretty horrible actually. Someone is always crazy, or stalking someone, or sleeping with their friends husband or something like that. It’s not like the Hallmark channel where everyone is in love and happy. I don’t watch the Hallmark channel. Maybe there is something wrong with me.

My typical type of movie night consists of horror movies, superhero movies, and scifi. I’m not one to watch much in the line of chick flicks. Not that I’ve never watched any. I have. I’ve even enjoyed a couple, but normally movies like that can’t hold my interest or my lunch. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that I’d watch a LMN movie over anything on Hallmark. But it’s still unsettling when a commercial comes on for their latest one and it has something to do with a woman who is betrayed and she will stop at nothing to get her revenge on everyone from the dude who pissed her off to the girl she went to grade school with that called her stupid and all I can think is, I have to set the DVR for that. And then I do.

My husband claims that they have the dumbest movies ever made. I can’t completely disagree with him since he’s actually right, but then he will sit down, start watching with me, and then suddenly announce he’s already seen it and proceed to tell me what happens. I usually stare at him, blinking, and he will just look back at me and shrug, saying there wasn’t anything on the other night. I guess I should mention that I work days and he works a swing shift so we don’t always see much of each other during the week. Sometimes after work if he can’t fall asleep right away, he will sit in the living room and watch TV before he goes to bed. When I turn on the TV in the morning as I'm getting ready for work it's always on the sports channel so I had always assumed he was watching something like that. Guess I was wrong. Anyway, after telling me the entire plot of the movie, including the ending, he will then go on about how stupid it was and how he can’t believe anyone would watch that crap. Yea.

I guess the worst part isn’t that I watch Lifetime though. Or that my husband secretly watches it as well. It’s that I watch it in addition to all the other horrible stuff I can't get enough of on the ID channel. You know, the channel that wants you to never trust anyone again. Not your spouse, family, friend, neighbor….nobody. I could watch the shows on that channel all day. As a matter of fact, I have. I don’t know why I can sit through a marathon of those, but something like The Notebook makes me want to scratch my eyes out and vomit until there is nothing left of me. I really can’t watch that stuff. I revert into a child. I’m either making gagging noises through the whole thing or I roll my eyes so much it gives me a headache. Needless to say, I’ve never been invited to another “girl’s movie night” after that. Which is fine. I’d rather sit at home and watch what I like while my husband pretends not to watch but can’t resist asking me what’s going on every time he comes back into the room. I’ll take that over any love story any day.

So.....I had 80s hair

Not that “super high you could touch the sky” 80s hair. Mine was more kinda big but not really. Born with natural mousy brown hair that wasn’t quite thick but wasn’t quite thin either, my hair had an aversion to being “big.” Not that I didn’t try. I ratted it and emptied my can of Aqua Net just as much as the next girl. Only problem was the minute the hair spray touched my head, it knocked my hair down and I was left with a flatter, greasy look that I couldn’t brush out thanks to the fact that it now formed the strongest wind barrier this world has ever seen. The only way to fix it was to wash the hair again. Aqua Net was some seriously potent stuff. In my numerous attempts to achieve height, I finally became desperate enough to get perms. It helped, but every time I would get one, I’d look in the mirror afterwards and immediately recoil in horror. Then eventually the perm would relax, look not half bad, and the memory would fade….prompting me to get another one once the curls relaxed to the point of non-existing. The process would then repeat itself.

This went on for several years until finally the 80s and its big hair days started to fade. Most were unhappy as they liked their big hair, and some have continued to carry on this tradition even today. I, of course, was ecstatic. I honestly hated all the maintenance and looked forward to throwing away the Aqua Net and just allowing my hair to hang there and do what it wants. Which is basically nothing. It works for us.

I’m not quite sure why we tortured ourselves to get our hair to stand at unnatural attention, but we did, and then years later, we mostly try to hide that fact. I went on a spree once to find as many photos as possible from the glory days of heavy eyeliner and acid washed jeans. I was able to locate most of them….but you can’t ever completely hide from bad taste. Luckily there is a whole generation of people who went through it with me. Now we don’t laugh at our parents old photos of themselves from high school as much as we used to. Not as much…….